The Home Straight

It's been a long time since I've posted an entry in this blog. Longer still is the time since I left the Seminary, returning home for my eagerly awaited gap-year...fifteen months to be exact! Still, as I type these words, the clock ticks onwards, every minute that passes bringing me closer to the end of today and the beginning of tomorrow, and it is from the notion of what lies ahead of me from tomorrow onwards that I'm getting my fair share of angst.

Tomorrow I leave home once again to join the other seminarians at the Seminary for another batch of three years, at the end of which time (totalling seven years) I will (God-willing) be deemed worthy of the ordination to the priesthood. Hence, from tomo onwards I restart my journey of studies and community-living-and-prayer which had been put on hold such that I could go through the "Formation with a difference" my fourth year (the afore-mentioned gap-year) provided me with. You may wonder why I'm making such fuss on the fact that I'm going back, given that I've already spent the three years prior to the break at the Seminary....it's not that I've never been therer before...how big a deal can resuming what's been put on hold be?

Don't get me wrong...I'm really expectant as to what life at the Seminary, particularly as regards following wholeheartedly whatever Jesus will be putting on my heart, has to offer me this time around:) The thing is I go back a changed person, maturer and wiser if you will. The old Rene' which the Seminary walls have seen storming in rage after some disappointment or quarrel, or making unexpected bursts of enthusiastic laughter following some achievement and cause of satisfaction has to a certain degree moved on to become a deeper young man. This is not to say that I have lost my "cool" or traded my "fun-factor" for a more somber demeanour...nothing of the sort (I hope :p). However, the months I've spent helping out in Ethiopia, tending to the wounded, singing lengthy songs in a language I do not understand to kids and distributing food to the homeless along with the close association with the sisters of Mother Teresa (God bless them!) this entailed, as well as the hundreds of hours of guidance work to Malta's kids and youth on bullying, drug and substance abuse and physical abuse, not to mention my role within the parameters of my family...the family man hehe...have given me an all-too-new perspective of life. (pic>>>the home economics pupils preparing non-alcoholic cocktails for their peers at Guzeppi Despott, Verdala, Boys' JL, during a week of activities themed "Il-Hajja Bis-Sens" organised by a colleague of mine, myself and a PSD teacher at the school as part of the substance abuse prevention programme...faces blurred for data protection purposes. if only i could use that excuse to blur, what was then, my ever fatter stomach :p)

I don't like listening to rants, more so when it's I doing the diatribing, so I'll cut to the chase...what I have to do now is find an opening...an opportunity by way of which I'll be able to share all that I have been blessed with, learned and acquired in the past months. In so doing, the new me'll gradually return to the folds of the institution with greater ease.

Hehe...sounds easy, doesn't it? Think I'll succeed? Well...of course...(at least I hope so LOL)...I can't give up now I'm on the home straight...

(This piece is dedicated to my fellow friends who were part of my seminary year and somewhat like family to me, who, for some reason or another, shall not be resuming the seminary experience, but shall seek their life's path in other ventures. I love you guys...Thanks for everything. Godspeed!)

A Walk To Remember

I'm told that the similarly titled movie is one of the greats in the teen genre, although I have never really bothered to watch it as yet. However my mind does not go back to Mandy Moore's 2002 flick as I sit in front of my screen putting nouns and verbs together to form basic sentences. Rather it is to the insanely long walk that I literally had yesterday, from Qormi all the way to Mtarfa and back, this being the outcome of what started out as a short stroll between two friends...a clear example of how things tend to get out of hand (for better or worse) when I'm around.

I can't say that I didn't enjoy myself...walking has for a long time been one of my favourite pass-times. Moreover, once at our levelled destination, we met up with some other friends and their puppies, spending the best part of two hours cuddling them and fooling around. Even the return march was not so bad, hyped up as it was by the fact that my companion was way past his curfew, with a father on the other side of his mobile phone sending "Ejja d-dar issa" messages at intervals. Still the event would've become even sweeter had my scales tipped a lesser mark this morning than the 74Kg (which is an improvement in itself, given that until last July it used to mark 82Kg) to which I've got used to now. A case of a miss being as good as a mile?

Weekend Love (title borrowed from a SpiceGirls song LOL)

The weekend's just passed and as I warm up for the hustle and bustle that jam-packs my upcoming week (talk about something new...NOT :p), I look back at the past two days with much glee, these giving me a headstart to the upside of life that, for some time, had kind of taken a back burner. I've spent the best part of both Saturday and Sunday at home, with my family, this serving me well for relationship purposes...meaning that I got to rest without having the guiltfeeling of procrastinating some other important stuff, as, what's more important than family? Thankfully, they were quiet days, with barely any goings-on, so much so that I can only think of a single instance when I left the household on Saturday and just three, almost two, on Sunday.

In perfect "Family Man" fashion (hehehe) I took mum, my bro and my aunt (Sr Bernadette, whom some of you may know as the Headteacher of St Joseph Blata's Junior Section...yep, we're related...moreover she's my Godmother, many, including half my family, noting that I take a lot after her...no comment about that), who spends the weekends over at our place, out on Sat evening, driving off to "Saqajja", outskirts of Rabat/Imdina, where we strolled in the surrounding gardens until sundown. Initially my bro didn't feel like joining us and kept bickering about it practically all the way there, only to change his position re the outing once arrived. The magic opinion-changer? A scrumptious ice-cream (for which I could only yearn, being on strict sugar-carb.s free diet at the mo). Driving my family back home once we'd had enough of Rabat, I sped to Bugibba where I was scheduled to meet a friend for a "business meeting" (the subject of which is my business :D), getting there more than three-quarters of an hour late. The guy was very understanding, as I knew he would be, having first hand experience of what having just the right amount of things on your plate as to allow you to handle them without spilling himself. That over, I was expected at Rabat again for a thoughts-sharing session, only this time it was I who was listened to by my warmhearted mentor, something for which I was well overdue...heqq, listeners (heqqhimm, moi ;p) need to be listened to too. I returned home way past midnight but feeling more energised than ever.

I woke up on Sunday in time for 8am mass, this being followed by chats with several young people on the parvis. My favourite Sunday morning activity came next...going through the paper over and over again (I ritually read the titles on all the pages, including mags and classifieds, first then return to the articles that interest me. Finally I revise the whole publication again in case I would've missed something. I know it sounds awfully pathetic, to say the least, but I cannot think of a better way to spend a snail-paced Sunday morning :p) until I've exhausted my amusement with it completely. Unlike my usual habits, yesterday I found myself indulging in a siesta...quite an extended one in fact that saw me rising from it at 6:30pm or so, just in time to get a long warm bath and dress up...the evening held an event that I didn't want to miss: a newly-ordained priests' celebrations. I was accompanied there by my bro and mum again-they don't usually tail along to such parties, but, when my mum decided such, I was only too happy, knowing that, as she did, she would enjoy herself. This particular repo was more pleasant than some others as the list of invitees included people from Birzebbuga, a parish where I've served in during my first year as Seminarian back in 2005, giving me the opportunity to have a good laugh with them and rekindle "old" friendships.

yeah...I've had a good time indeed...just my kind of weekend :p

i wish i had all d answers

it's friday morning...2:35am to be exact. still awake due to many complications life pleases itself to present me with. i may have started to untie the various knots in the "parenting" issue, still surprises never stop cropping from around d corner...which is why i am here tonight.

This blog's turning into a whiner's window, but i have to be honest, right now i cannot but whine...whine and dine lol...oh no, got that wrong...whine and trust hehe. yep that's right...trust. trust whom? heqq himm--d big guy up above and down here. the people i love all sem to have lost their minds (so to say) in the past couple of days, and as usual, superman'd like to go to their rescue (guess who i'm referring to), if only he knew how.

trust--that's what st joseph did, when his world fell apart, seconds after discovering that his bride-to-be broke the news to him that she was pregnant from "some chap announced to her as the holy spirit" (hope that doesn't qualify as blasphemy)...his trust led him to holding the son of god in his arms, being the first man to set his eyes on him, and eventually having the honour and pleasure of hearing this little child calling him "Daddy".

trust--that's what jesus himself did, when, after wasting the best part of three years preaching, healing and caring for as many destitute as his patience could take, he found himself faced with a wooden beam, the governor pilate sentencing him to death by way of false accusations. three days later, he opened his eyes to see a new dawn, literally and figuratively, rise on mankind...this species who before good friday had only one option-struggle onwards, hopelessly...and now could choose to continue d struggle but with an added help, his help that guarantees that with him close by, they can face any turmoil.

trust--that's what many a martyr, many a cancer patient, many a victim of injustice...trust that d project or family they'd started'll be cared for by whoever the one above chooses...they trusted in him...he won't let them down...

trust--that's what i'm trying to do today. trying...not actually succeeding, but trying. i don't need all the answers.

When Life Gives You Lemons

I have always taken pride in the fact that I can adapt to different roles or circumstances easily, finding qualms in neither walking in my cheap-ethiopian-car-tyre shoes, which I've been wearing all the time since my return from that precious country a bit less than a year ago, nor the real-leather ones that I reserve for some poshy occasion. Life is a rollercoaster ride through and through, according to the tunes of which I try to dance as best I can, without getting too disheartened or lightheaded in the process. However, attempt as I may, up till now, I have not managed to come up with the best techniques, or rather those that are pleasing to both myself and the people around me, through which I stimulate my twelve-year-old bro's interest in anything else save computer games or TV shows, as well as effective methods of correction.

He is a born clown to the bone, a talent he has inherited from our father, who used to find a good laugh in practically everything. True to this tradition, my brother ably discerns a laugh up his sleeve whenever I see it appropriate to correct him on some thing or other, him seeing no difficulty in exposing it there and then. Writing about it now, it all sounds very amusing, but I assure you that when faced with his belly laugh while delivering my all authorative parent-like speech, I immediately come to the end of my tether without further ado, proving myself as a worthy understudy to whichever respected tenor, such is the pitch that my voice successfully reaches as I shout every inch of my patience up my vocal chords.

I am well aware that this no way to go about correcting one's siblings, especially because it falls extremely short of exemplary. Now for the Nth time, I renew my resolution to keep poised, when the situation calls for a correction of sorts. May be this time around, I will succeed. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade (or lemon meringue mmmm).

I'm No Superman

It always leaves an empty sensation in my insides whenever I come across someone with whom i'd have had a deep relationship in the recent and not so recent past and who'd now be in some kind of mess. I always find myself asking: could I have done something with which the situation this person's passing through now would've been avoided? Is there anything I can do now? These questions result from a mish-mash of my ever present "Saviour-of-the-World" syndrome (a term coined by myself defining my desire to help ad nauseam :p) and my honest conviction that an extra minute of someone listening to another's concerns or an unexpected smile can make a world of difference. As for the latter, this is further reinforced by my belief that nothing happens at random; there's a Big Guy up there and down here simutaneously that does his best to write straight on crooked lines, which in turn get messed up in no time by inquisitive and exceedingly jumpy individuals who can't keep their hands to themselves and have to touch, change, interpret, adapt etc., etc., whatever comes in their way....

I'm trying to envision the blank looks on you people's faces as you cluelessly wonder what's hit me today to pour out such thoughts verging on interminably intertwined philosophy LOL. I can only offer one word (or two, hehehe) of consolation with which I leave off: Life's a mess. If you have faith, you know that the mess'll work out sooner or later. If not, you're left with the mess. In the meantime, you can try believing that the Big Guy needs your hands and feet to change the world - so keep your eyes open for the next person who needs your help...you've been put in that place at that particular moment so that your paths cross explicitly for you and him/her to interract. Don't give anyone the cold shoulder...You may be the only source of aid at hand...

This reasoning's changed my perception of my role in life completely - you'll always find me close, friend, though I'm no Superman.

Back to Black

I attended a wedding the other day. I had no real knowledge of the bride and groom, my encounters with them prior to this event not numbering more than two, and only went because someone asked me to tag along as a guest, finding myself obliged to fork out a hefty €50 in the process (grr). Being barely acquainted with them, I was struck by the couple at the ceremony, this not being due to their attire (well that too…the bride wore a lovely and (erm…how to put it discreetly :p) attractive (yep that’s an appropriate word) champagne Belle-in-the-Beauty-and-the-Beast-like gown while her counterpart was just as stylish) but to their choice of readings, especially the Gospel, which started off with a reverberating “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” Don’t get the wrong impressions – the two don’t come across as Our Lady and St Joseph, version 2. Still, picking these words as backdrop for their wedding service was, in my opinion a bold, loud-statement-making step that unambiguously announced: we believe in the Institution that’ll bind us from now on. I couldn’t help admiring them and praying that the faith in their love be rewarded through and through. All of this stands in stark contrast with what has been going on in Maltese society in the last month or so, where discussion about divorce has become the practise of the day.

To be honest I am fed up of reading letter after letter and blog after blog on the divorce issue – it simply leaves me with a bitter realisation that, more often than not, these individuals do not have the slightest idea of what they are after. Many advocate the introduction of divorce for the simple reason that it “It is 2008” as if the number on my diary’s cover should affect how I think. Others use an “If everyone’s got it, why shouldn’t we” or a “Live and let live” argument. My mind immediately retorts rhetorically to the former with “If everyone jumps off a cliff, should you?”, making me wonder if half of Malta still suffers from the inferiority complex that for years has made many prefer “Il-halib tal-bott” over “Il-halib tal-gvern” as the first “originates” from non-Maltese cows. However, it is the “Live and let live” ideal that puts me off most.

Many regard the maxim “Live and let live”, where everyone does as he or she likes, as an apt representation of the democratic society we live in. They cannot be more misled. In no dictionary do I find such definition under “Democracy” – don’t be disheartened though, it is there, standing in another noun’s shadow: Anarchy. Yep, ladies and gents, that’s the word where “I do what I want and you have no right to regulate my behaviour” fits to perfection. Throughout my year’s experience as a Guidance Teacher in the tackiest of subjects (bullying, drug- and substance-abuse and abuse proper), I have regularly had to shed light on the difference to my students: living in a democracy gives great freedom which, in order to be safeguarded, by necessity, is linked to an authoritative-body (government) that determines the legality of one action and those that are deterring to the country at large or the person him/herself (I know it’s confusing on first reading, but I assure you that if you go through it again, you’ll see that it makes sense ;D). If one had to be allowed to follow one’s instincts all the time, then safety, harmony and all that we expect to enjoy such that we can go about our lives with peace of mind, would be forfeited. It’s already trying as it is… Consequently “Live and let live” cannot be anymore false – what you do influences me, even if it is the most private of actions, it manifesting itself in an attitude towards a person, or the generation of an underground market of otherwise unattainable materials (heqqhimm) etc. etc. etc.

Maturity and mutual responsibility are what society’s “brightest” minds should be fostering. And yet, is this where our island-nation is heading?

Ok...so I've decided to set up a blog

ello guys and gals...

some of you may know...some of you may not -- one thing that should be taken as given about me is that i'm awfully busy...just think about this, yesterday evening, i had to be in three places at the same time and although i'd planned to make my presence felt in all three albeit briefly, of course, i only managed to be in one (Link- Qormi San Gorg's Funky Youth Group), mainly due to the fact that this event involved "water-fights" that, for better or worse, kind of got out of hand and i ended up dripping less than 2 minutes into my arrival there. either way it was great fun...so no regrets there :p

back to subject...i may be as busy as a bee, but that has never kept me from falling short of sounding my voice, that is quite loud, might i add, and which seems to have things to say about mostly everything. Some conclude I'm a busy-body...others just take me for who i am...hopefully a meagre minority actually like what they hear. that's what brought me here...been thinking about it for a while-weighing the pro's and con's of blogging and all that...now here i am having a go at it.

i'm not accustomed to starting things only to leave them idle after some time, so expect contributions which'll probably touch on anything which may be my relationship with Jesus, religion, gossip, current affairs affecting our weeny island and the world at large, youth issues, anything my head'll be waffling on at that point in time etc. etc. etc. etc. ... you get what i meant by everyhing? hehehe

i think that's enough for today...i got to go anyway...i promised my eleven--no! twelve! (gosh, hairloss does dampen one's memory! -- brother that i'd be off the computer by 11 and i'm already past that mark by 40 minutes, with him wrecking hell around me and my mum screaming in the background :p but check back soon-i know i will ;)

cheers people and God bless!

(useful links: the LINK youth group site: http://linkyouths.org/

my videos channel on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/ChillerSeminarian

me on hi-5: http://ic-cilia.hi5.com/

that should be enough for now hehehe)